Bacon

As was requested, I put on my Facebook and asked my friend's what to write about. The unanimous choice was: bacon.
So, bacon...
I myself enjoy bacon, I'm aware it is a pig's flesh. I don't really care. I know my mom does not enjoy bacon. I'm just going to give a few facts about bacon.

• The Chinese started bacon as salting pork bellies in 1500 B.C. making it one of the oldest processed meats in history
• The oldest reference of bacon was in 1560
• Supermarket bacon bits are vegetarian friendly
• 70% of bacon consumed in the US is eaten at breakfast
• September 3rd is National Bacon Day
• Bacon is good for hangovers!
• There is a bust of Kevin Bacon that is actually made of bacon!
• Bacon is eaten at breakfast about 12 times year for each person!
• People over 34 are the ones who eat the most bacon!
• Nearly half of homes keep bacon at all times
• There are bacon flavored beers, vodka, and bourbon.
• Oscar Mayer patented the first packed and sliced bacon

Well, now you know some useless facts about bacon!
And I will write another blog later! Maybe tomorrow.

The Lexi Process of Getting Rid of Losers/Creepers/Miscellaneous Guys You Don't Want To Talk To

So, although I'm basically oblivious to flirting there's always that one guy I just don't want to be associated with that is practically (although occasionally literally) saying they are trying to flirt with you. Well, I have developed a fool proof process for someone you have only met recently or only talked to occasionally. Like Jennamarbles on Youtube has her face, along with several backup plans, I have my own process!

1. Be the nerdiest person on Earth: For some reason some guys are made nervous by nerdy girls, so something that I've seen work is naming unusual facts. Early, for example, I was talking to a guy, who actually said he was trying to flirt with me, and for everything he said, I had a fact, such as he used the phrase "etc." and I replied telling him it was a Latin phrase and what it means. A good place to learn unusual facts is a website I'm always on called omg-facts.com
   Warning: Being nerdy does not work for super nerdy guys!
2. Be overly enthusiastic about EVERYTHING: When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. If you're breathing be enthusiastic about the oxygen! If you're listening to music, every song is your favorite song! You have to seem crazy about how much you love everything.
3. Be clingy: If you just met this guy, there's no better way to get rid of them than being extremely clingy! "How many kids do you want?" "Oh my gosh I want two kids too! We must be soul mates!" (I don't actually want kids, that is just an example) other good topics are: what pet you two should get, where you should get married, and where you should live. in order for this to work though, you have to be REALLY enthusiastic.
4. Be dramatic: I mean like if they say you have pretty eyes, then say "what, that's all, I guess my nose is ugly!" or some random complaint
5. Be mean/blunt/sarcastic: This is almost a go to for me in general with everyone, I use it regularly. If it's on your mind about them, say it.
6. Use the Jennamarbles technique: She has the face, she has the various actions, I quite enjoy her technique. Hers is better in person. I like mine for over Facebook or text!

Lexi's Rules For Idiots #1-20

I meant to post these a week ago, I just finally got to completing them.

1. Don't tell me about your relationship problems.
2. If I ever offend you, let me know, I may want to insult you later.
3. Don't talk about emotions with me. Ever.
4. Never show weakness.
5. Those who do show weakness can expect this opportunity to be taken.
6. I'm not your therapist. Shut up.
7. Never text me between 10 PM and 10 AM unless I text you first.
8. Stop talking about your feelings with me.
9. I'm single; don't ask me for relationship advice.
10. To quote House, “Everyone lies.” To explain my reasoning, don't tell me about how you're always lied to because everyone is lied to and I don't really care.
11. If something doesn't go your way, stop complaining to me and make things work for you.
12. Get off your butt and do something productive!
13. I'm blunt. Don't ask for my opinion if you don't want me to be honest.
14. Debates are fun, fights are not.
15. Don't tell me jokes when I'm in a bad mood.
16. Never be the one who put me in a bad mood.
17. If you're going to walk with me, walk faster because I don't like walking slowly.
18. I don't expect sympathy from you, why should you expect it from me.
19. I can insult you much worse than you can insult me.
20. If you think you have the upper hand, I will follow Gibb's Rule #16 and break it.

Breaking these rules may result in various outcomes, you're better off not testing any of them.

It Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing

Hello world.
I'm sorry I've been so busy I haven't been writing much, anyways I  guess I'll talk about swing dance.
I recently started swing dance because my school has a club, I'm so glad my friend Paige did a demonstration in front of the class for extra credit, or else I may have never heard of it! If you don't know me you would know that I don't get into anything unless I really like it. I tried soccer, and that was okay, but not my thing, I did karate and still not my thing, I got thrown in chorus and fell in love with it, and now my new love is swing dance.
My friend Paige did a demonstration in front of the class for extra credit and  told my class that she went to Swing Club every Wednesday afternoon, I had never heard of the club and of course I would want to dance. I asked her about it and she told me I should come check it out so, of course, I did! I asked her for a ride home after and I was able to go. I went for the first time on March 28 and I've been flipped and tossed and done various other moves that I never thought I'd do! I am one of those people who hates participation. One time in club and I was hooked! I have gone to two of the swing nights at the Satellite Swing by my house, and I have gone to a few, I wanna say 3, Swing Club meetings at my school, it's so addictive!
So I guess this is kind of a public thank you to my friend Paige for introducing me to Swing!
Well, I will try to post my rules for idiots tomorrow! I would today but I made the list in school and forgot it in my locker!

A Story For You

Once, in a land far far a way, much like that in the movie Shrek, there was a crazy lion that turned people into bananas. Which after they became bananas were covered in peanut butter and consumed by this horrible creature. One day in the land of Magicalopia the town's lizards were upset with the lion because they lost about 8 lizards in a week, and this was a small town. So the town's lizards created a plan, they were going to create a decoy lizard out of fish sticks and the decoy would be a distraction. After the lion was distracted by the fish stick lizard, the town's mayor, a unicorn, would stab the lion with his poison candy cane horn and kill him.
Finally it was time for the plan to begin, it was a dark cloudy day and the mountain the lion lived on looked evil. It was about three in the morning and most of the town was asleep except the mayor and his minions. They slowly hiked up the mountain and opened the cave. Two of the minions were sent in with the fish stick lizard to begin distracting, and within minutes of the beginning of the plan the lion was attacking the fish stick lizard.
After the lion had begun to consume the fish stick lizard, and clearly did not have a free hand with all the peanut butter he had to use, the mayor attacked. He ran towards the lion and stabbed him in the head, neck, and chest with his poison candy cane horn. In the end the lion was dead. And Magicalopia was free once again.
Moral of story: Never Eat Soggy Waffles

Pop Music

So, I'm sure I'm going to anger someone by this post but I'm going to make a list of complaints for pop music.

• When did "lalalalala" become an emotion?
• How do you set fire to the rain?
• If you're telling her one time why are you telling her 27 times in one song?
• If someone is going to throw a grenade at her, then what made you think it was wise to be around her?
• Did you ever read Romeo & Juliet? Obviously you don't know how it ended.
• Why are fireworks shooting out of your boobs? I'm a bit disturbed by this...
• Really woman, he broke up with you, stop complaining, the sooner you get over him, the better!
• Maybe you shouldn't have let him get away... Don't sing complaining about it!
• Obviously no one listening to the crap you people are putting out is going to know who Mick Jagger is.
• Adele, once again, please, stop complaining, I'm sure there's a better guy.
• Stop that horrible song please, all of the people singing are usually not very sexy.

So, that was a short list, but I don't listen to pop music by choice, it's usually in a car when I'm stuck with it.
Also, why must steroids be illegal for athletes but a singer can autotune all they want.
My friend who listens to a lot of pop doesn't think anyone can really sing well anymore because they all use autotune. I'm sorry but when it gets to that point it's a little pathetic. I really hate autotune, and I want to drag her to my school and make her listen to the people in chorus because they can sing for sure. My choir isn't even an audition choir and we're by far better if you ask me. Especially since if you listen to a live Katy Perry performance she's so off tune it's scary.