Lexi's Rules For Idiots #1-20

I meant to post these a week ago, I just finally got to completing them.

1. Don't tell me about your relationship problems.
2. If I ever offend you, let me know, I may want to insult you later.
3. Don't talk about emotions with me. Ever.
4. Never show weakness.
5. Those who do show weakness can expect this opportunity to be taken.
6. I'm not your therapist. Shut up.
7. Never text me between 10 PM and 10 AM unless I text you first.
8. Stop talking about your feelings with me.
9. I'm single; don't ask me for relationship advice.
10. To quote House, “Everyone lies.” To explain my reasoning, don't tell me about how you're always lied to because everyone is lied to and I don't really care.
11. If something doesn't go your way, stop complaining to me and make things work for you.
12. Get off your butt and do something productive!
13. I'm blunt. Don't ask for my opinion if you don't want me to be honest.
14. Debates are fun, fights are not.
15. Don't tell me jokes when I'm in a bad mood.
16. Never be the one who put me in a bad mood.
17. If you're going to walk with me, walk faster because I don't like walking slowly.
18. I don't expect sympathy from you, why should you expect it from me.
19. I can insult you much worse than you can insult me.
20. If you think you have the upper hand, I will follow Gibb's Rule #16 and break it.

Breaking these rules may result in various outcomes, you're better off not testing any of them.